Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious. (berryblue_girl) wrote,
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

Babies and Bullets and Profilers, Oh My!

Title: Babies and Bullets and Profilers, Oh My!
Author: berryblue_girl
Rating: PG with an edge, for cursing and slight sexual mentions
Summary: Penelope Garcia was more observant than people gave her credit for.
Spoilers: "Penelope" and "Elephant's Memory"
Disclaimer: *La sigh* No ownership here



Author's Note: *Fans face with hands* You like me, you really, really like me!  Again, thank you for all the warm reviews.  I hope ya'll like this installment.  After this, I will take a small break to work on the story that all these posts have been a precursor to.  It is entitled "All These Lives", so keep a watchful eye on the horizon.  Remember, reviews make me warm and fuzzy like Reid's statistics!  Enjoy!

Penelope Garcia was more observant than people gave her credit for.  She witnessed the budding romance between Reid and Morgan, fought for it when it wilted, and breathed a sigh of relief when it came into full bloom.  She played referee more times than she could count, helping cool tempers and solve arguments.  But mostly she told the one that called to grow up, be an adult, and work through the problem.  She knew that they were very different from each other, but they made up for that in the love they had for the other.  When they asked her to be their surrogate, she was surprised she didn't burst into tears.  She felt so honored but at the same time, she figured it was only natural.  She helped them develop their relationship; why not help them start a family?

They said they wanted two kids, a child from each of them.  Spencer timidly asked if he could go first.  Penelope and Morgan said of course.  The hard part was collecting what Reid referred to as "the sample".  Penelope teased him, saying how he could call his future son or daughter a sample, which led to a lecture on biology that neither Penelope nor Morgan wanted.  It took Reid twenty minutes to provide said sample, while Penelope and Morgan snickered outside the door.  Reid finally emerged from the room, red faced and hiding the cup behind his back.

Penelope giggled, "Spence, did you know that it takes a man on average eight minutes to ejaculate, starting at the first sign of arousal?"

Reid glared at her and muttered, "I was nervous."

Then it was Penelope's turn.  She had to admit the whole process was little uncomfortable, but she gritted her teeth and bore it.  The waiting was hard, especially on Reid.  After Gideon left, she knew he needed something else to focus on.  He bought baby books for research, made suggestions to her on her eating habits, and Morgan even told her Reid started child-proofing their apartment.  Finally three months after "the squirt" as Penelope called it, they went to her OB/GYN and received the good news: she was preggers!  Reid shed a few tears and hugged Penelope, thanking her over and over for this.  Even her big tough chocoagent eyes were glittering.  They insisted at the first visit that they would pay for all of her doctor's bills, that her arguing would do her no good.  When they told the team, they were all very supportive, Rossi surprising everyone by taking the team out to dinner on him.  Hotch even cracked one of his rare smiles while he congratulated them.

Penelope was so happy to see the change her pregnancy brought to her yummy interracial couple.  As she watched them from security feeds from the bullpen, she could see that her baby glow had passed onto them as well.  Reid came up to her room more often, mostly to ask her opinion on baby names.  He and Morgan had already decided that if it was a girl, they would name her Penelope Marie.  She blamed the tears that followed on hormones, trying to say half-heartily that they didn't have to do that.  But her protests tell on deaf ears.  When she asked about the middle name, Reid said that both his and Morgan's mothers shared that middle name.  Boy names were where it got difficult for her boys.  Prentiss tried to help giving them a book of baby names, but that only overwhelmed them with over 5,000 possibilities.  On the drive to her fifth check-up, she finally suggested Christopher Aaron: Christopher for Morgan's father, and Aaron obviously for Hotch, two men her boys respected.  They instantly loved it, Morgan chastising himself for not thinking of it sooner. 

The fifth check-up was important because they would finally learn the sex of the baby.   They all agreed that they wanted to find out, so when the doctor asked, she was met with a resounding "Yes!".  She moved her "magic wand" over Penelope's stomach for a few moments before saying softly, "Well, I can say with utmost certainty that you are having a girl."

The room was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop.  The doctor slipped out quietly to give them their moment.  They stared at the monitor, at the little person curled inside her stomach.  Morgan finally went towards it, took his finger and ran it along the outline of the spine, whispering," Hey, baby girl."

The doctor came back in a few minutes later and printed three copies of the baby, which were placed in their representative wallets.  The next day at work, Penelope chuckled as Morgan proudly showed off his little baby girl to the team in the conference room.  Reid came up to stand next to her and whispered, "I know you're going to get tired of hearing this, but thank you."

The trips were tough for her boys.  They didn't want to leave her by herself in her "delicate" state.  When Reid said that, she smacked him upside his head and asked, "Do I seem delicate to you now?  Go and leave me in peace!"  The scariest moment of her pregnancy, of her life, was when she got shot at her six month mark.  The whole time she was slipping in and out of consciousness, all she could think about was the baby.  She knew she wouldn't be able to forgive herself if she lost this baby.  She kept trying to ask the EMTs if the baby was okay, but they were more worried about her gunshot wound.  She could hear Reid's voice in her mind stating that severe trauma and stress could cause a miscarriage, so she sent out half-mumbled prayers that she and her little one would beat the odds.  It seemed like years before she finally came to, seeing a tiny Hispanic nurse checking her vitals.  Penelope cleared her throat and the woman looked up and said with a smile, "Oh, you are awake.  Your friends will be very pleased."

She left the room and moments later, Morgan, Reid, and JJ came into the room.  Morgan sat down in the seat next to her bed and took her hand, squeezing it lightly. 

"How's the baby?" she rasped.

"Fine," he said, his voice cracking.  "Luckily, the bastard aimed too high and the bullet tore through your shoulder.  But the baby's gonna be fine."

Penelope breathed a sigh of relief at that confirmation.  Morgan and Reid stayed wit her through the whole ordeal, never once leaving her alone and answering her every whim.  After her attacker was caught, her staying alone was no longer an option in her boys' eyes.  For the rest of her pregnancy, every time JJ presented a case, the boys would alternate who stayed behind with her.  She had tried to appeal to Hotch, but unfortunately, the traitor agreed with them, stating that the extra help would keep her stress level down and help her recovery.  She had that Kevin Lynch character stick around to help with the tech stuff.  With Kevin, Reid or Morgan just sat in her office and conferenced over the phone to help with the profiles.  Near the end, she was ready to have the baby so that she would have office back to herself!

JJ and Prentiss co-planned a simple baby shower during her seventh month.  The room in her boys' apartment that had previously been their study was now the baby's room.  Reid surprised all of them with his artistic skills by painting scenes from classic Disney films on all of the walls.  There was a book shelf stuffed with books, stuffed animals, and three antique dolls that belonged to Reid's mother as a child.  The closet and dresser was already fully stocked with clothes, and the bottom of the closet held a toy box stuffed with toys.  The team had made sure that this child would want for nothing.  Penelope was really touched, as was Morgan and Reid, at the outpouring of support for their relationship and their child.

The moment of truth finally came when the team was away in Texas, trying to profile a tortured young teen on a killing spree.  Morgan was the one with her at the time.  They were at her apartment that night, watching Will and Grace reruns when she had a particularly painful contraction.  When she told Morgan this, he asked how long they had been going on.

"Um...every twenty minutes or so for the past couple hours," she said bashfully.

"Damn it, baby girl, why didn't you tell me sooner?" he half-growled. 

He jogged to her bedroom, grabbed her overnight bag, and they headed to his SUV.  Once inside and on the way to the hospital, she started taking deep breathes, saying between them, "We call...Reid."

Morgan nodded, pulling out his cell phone, and said, "You do it.  I can't be on the phone while I'm driving."

She took moment to chuckle while she dialed the number four on his speed dial.  After two rings, a sleepy Reid answered, "Derek, it's too late at night for phone sex."

"Alas...I am not your chocolover," Penelope breathed.  "It's your baby momma, and said baby is ready to make her debut."

"Oh my God," Reid announced, sounding very awake, "let me talk to Derek for a moment, please."

Penelope took another deep breath as another contraction hit and gritted out, "Mr. Colburn, your baby love would like a word."

Morgan rolled his eyes, deadpanning, "Thank you, Mrs. Daisy," before saying to Reid, "Hey, babe...Yeah, I know you wish you were here...Just solve that case, then come home to meet your baby girl.  I love you, too."

Once at the hospital, they settled her and Morgan into a room and more waiting continued.  Her contractions began to increase in their frequency and pain level.  She knew that Morgan meant well by asking constantly if she was all right or if she needed anything, but at one point when he did it during at particularly painful contraction, she growled, "Oh, I swear to God, if you ask me that one more time, I will bitchslap your gorgeous ass!"

As the hours dragged by, she began to get into the actual labor.  Morgan let her squeeze his hand, and even though she had received an epidural, she still squeezed the hell out of it.  She knew she sounded like a television cliche, where she cursed everything about Morgan and Reid.  Thankfully Morgan stayed quiet and just provided his hand and his presence.  Then thirty six hours later, little Penelope Marie Reid-Morgan finally came into the world.  Penelope, even through her haze of pain, saw the look of wonder and awe on Morgan's face when the doctor finally placed his little girl into his arms.  He sat down and whispered, "How can you love someone so much that you just met?"

A day later, Reid arrived back from Texas and came into the hospital room with daisies and a big pink teddy bear.  Penelope was taking her turn with Penny, as they nicknamed her, while Morgan sat next to her, cooing.

"Hey, Spence," she said wordlessly.  "Want to meet your daughter?"

He nodded wordlessly, placing his gifts on the bedside table and shuffling his feet nervously as he approached the bed.  He reached out and took little Penny in his arms.  Penelope smiled at how much they looked alike.  They had the same big brown eyes and soft dark blond curls.  Reid smiled a special smile and bent down to nuzzle Penny's forehead.  She heard Morgan step around and saw him go to stand behind Reid and wrap his arms around his waist.  Reid looked away from his daughter to Penelope, his eyes shining brightly, and cried, "Thank you, Penelope, so much for her."

Penelope smiled back and said, "You are more than welcome, sugar," before going back to what she did best: observing her favorite couple.

A/N:  Special kudos to the person who can guess the movie Morgan's line about his daughter is from.  Also, sorry if the ending is a little crap, it was late when I wrote and posted this.  Review!

Tags: category: slash, fandom: criminal minds, fanfiction, pairing: derek/spencer, rating: pg
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