Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious. (berryblue_girl) wrote,
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

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Simply Criminal Drabbles

Title: Simply Criminal Drabbles
Author: berryblue_girl
Rating: PG-13
Genre/Warnings: Fluff and a tad bit of angst
Summary: Ten drabbles written for the crimeland end-of-case gift-giving challenge.
Disclaimer: I don't own the show or its characters.
Author's Note: I hope y'all like these! I've had fun writing them for others. Enjoy!

Breakfast on Couch, Morgan/Reid

The first thing Derek noticed was that half of the bed was cold. He opened his eyes to find Spencer's side of the bed empty. He frowned and pushed the covers off of himself. Sitting up, he swung his legs off the bed and stood. He yawned and plucked his black t-shirt off the end of the bed. As he left the bedroom and headed downstairs, he smelled what seemed like a breakfast feast. He grinned when he heard his lover say to Clooney, "Now boy, I've already given you four pieces of bacon. I have to save some for you papa!"

He chuckled as he came into the kitchen and found Clooney sitting at Spencer's feet, licking his chops. Derek cleared his throat and Spencer turned his head. His bottom lip pouted slightly and he sniffed, "I wanted to serve you breakfast in bed!"

"You'll just have to settle for breakfast on couch," Derek teased, moving to his side and giving him a kiss.

He wrapped his arms around Spencer's waist, resting his hands on the bulging stomach, and watched as Spencer filled two plates with food. When Spencer reached over the pan to turn off the heat, gease popped and Spencer hissed in pain. He jerked his hand back and waddled to the sink. Derek turned off the heat and moved the pan off the hot stove, telling Spencer, "Go sit down, pretty boy. You don't need to be on your feet much this close to your due date."

He heard Spencer run some water then hobble to the living room. After he took care of the dirty dishes, he gathered the plates and headed to the living room. Spencer was stretched out along the couch. As he handed Spencer a plate, the pregnant man pouted, "How is it that when I try and try to do something for you, it always get turned around on me?"

Derek smirked and lifted Spencer's feet, placing them back in his lap as he sat down. He squeezed one of Spencer's big toes and said, "Don't worry about it, babe. You still did all the hardwork. I just did the heavy lifting."

Spencer smiled but rolled his eyes, picking up a strip of bacon and crunching on it.

Interrupted! Morgan/Garcia

"I donot snore!"

Penelope giggled and rested her chin on Derek's chest. She traced a line down his stomach and teased, "Denial isn't just a river in Eygpt."

He pinched her bottom and she wiggled, squealing in delight. She laid on her back and Derek shifted to his side. Dawn's pale light began to slowly light the room and their naked bodies, intertwined in the sheets. Her stomach exploded with butterflies as Derek looked down at her with that lazy grin. Their eyes connected and their raised and touched. Derek rubbed her knuckles with his thumb and murmured, "This is how we should spend every morning."

"How?" she asked, squeezing his hand. "With cuddles and teasing? Or with mind-awakening sex?"

"Can't it be both?" he mock-pouted. She smiled and leaned up to give him a soft kiss. Breaking it, he began trailing nips and licks down her jaw and neck before traveling back up for a more heated kiss. She let out a moan when she felt his calloused hand cup her breast and his thumb tease her nipple. Both of his hands began tracing their way down her sides to settle on her hips. He then flipped them where she was sitting astride him. As she was reaching between them to grab his hardening cock, his phone began to blare from his bedside table. Growling, he reached over and answered it sharply with, "Morgan."

She wanted to laugh aloud at the wave of disappointment that washed over his face. He took his other hand from her waist to pinch his brow, sighing, "No, man, I didn't forget, your call just beat my alarm to the punch. Let me get ready and I'll be over soon. Remember you owe me coffee and donuts."

He snapped the phone and she finally let loose the laughter that had been bubbling in the back of her throat. She rolled off him and he groaned, "Fuck...I completely forgot I was helping Reid move today."

"Oh, you're not the only one," she giggled. "Hotch and Rossi will be there and the girls and I will show up later with lunch."

He sighed before sitting up and getting out of the bed. As he stomped off to the bathroom, he was grumbling about "annoying genius" and "interruptions". She shook her head with a final laugh and rolled over to go back to sleep.

Ties and Bell Peppers, Hotch/Garcia

For all her 21st century sensebilities, Penelope was very old-fashioned in that she loved having a boyfriend to look after. Whether it was making sure he had decent meals to eat to doing his laundry, it all tickled her pink! She and Aaron had been dating for almost four months, and every moment was bliss. She enjoyed going and setting out a colorful tie to clash with his usual bland suit. The first time she did this, he tried to protest but she simply said, "I believe Albert from The Birdcage said it best: One does want a hint of color.

So that morning was unlike any other. They both woke up at six and took turns using the shower. When Penelope got out, Aaron had already set out his suit for the day, minus the tie. She threw on her robe and headed to his kitchen to start some coffee. Once that was settled, she went back to the bedroom to pick out his tie. Truth be told, she already had one in mind. As that day was Halloween, she had found the cutest themed tie at the store. It was covered with little cartoon bats on a navy blue background. Setting it on his pants, she began getting ready for the day. By the time he had finished his shower and was getting dressed, she had in the kitchen, gathering and mixing ingreidents for omelets. As she sprinkled some cheese in the mix, she heard him call out, "Penny!"

"Kitchen!" she called back.

She turned to see him enter the kitchen, his hair still damp from the shower, and his tie in hand. He held it out and stated, "Explain."

"Oh come on, Aaron," she protested, "it's Halloween! Think of how happy Reid will be that you're participating in his favorite holiday!"

He already look half-convinced, willing to do anything to please her, so she threw him a bone, saying, " case you get called away, pack a replacement in your briefcase."

"Thank you, honey," he replied. As he went back to the bedroom, he said over his shoulder, "Add extra bell peppers to my omelet!"

She smiled and sprinkled the peppers she had already chopped...just for him. Yes, being independent was fine and dandy, but domestic life certainly had its pleasures.

Quirks, Parker/Hardison

Parker and Hardison hadn't been dating for very long, so they were still learning about each other's non-job-related quirks. Like the fact that Parker was obsessed with all things Clark Gable. Once she had gotten a phone call at three in the morning and disappeared until five that afternoon. When Hardison asked her about it, she showed him a program from the 1939 Atlanta premiere of Gone with the Wind, complete with the four principles' autographs. In turn, she learned that Hardison had several glass jars full of Skittles, each jar full of a different color. Once she created a band of red Skittles in the yellow Skittles jar and snickered as she watched him separate them. It was all fun until her favorite Gable movie Manhattan Melodrama disappeared for a day. After that, she promised to leave his Skittles alone.

Another quirk Hardison learned about his girlfriend was that she loved to cook...but usually messed something up in the recipe. The first time she cooked for him was for his birthday. After he got back to the apartment from having drinks with Nate, Sophie, and Eliot, Parker met him at the door. He sniffed and arched an eyebrow, asking, "You cooked?"

She nodded with a lopsided grin. "I wanted to do something since we' know, sleeping together."

He snorted and let her lead the way. The dinner consisted of fried chicken breasts, mashed potatoes, and green beans, with chocolate cake for dessert. It looked really good, but looks are decieving. The chicken breast was a bit undercooked and the crust was overseasoned with pepper. When he took a bite of the potatoes, he choked and quickly took a gulp of tea. It was very spicy, and he frowned at the reddish tinge. The green beans were okay, and the chocolate cake was a bit burnt. But he cleared his entire plate of the hopeful and nervous gaze of Parker.

When he finished the last of his crunchy cake, Parker asked, "So did you like it?"

He studied her over his fifth glass of tea and saw how nervous her eyes were. Setting down his glass, he smacked his lips and said with a smile, "It was great, P! I don't think Eliot could have done any better."

Parker grinned and her cheeks turned a pretty shade of pink. She began clearing the table of dishes, pausing at his side to give him a kiss and saying softly, "Happy birthday."

He returned the kiss and stood. As he followed her into the kitchen, he looked around and found the source of the spicy mashed potatoes: Tabasco sauce. He shook his head and started helping her load the dish washer.

Stormy, Morgan/Reid

"Derek, you do realize I look like a kidnap victim with this blindfold on, right?"

He heard his boyfriend chuckle, "Then I must be the dumbest kidnapper on the planet! Just be patient, pretty boy, we're almost there."

Spencer took a deep breath and once again wondered what Derek was planning. After giving him a birthday breakfast in bed, he told Spencer to get dressed, that they had an appointment somewhere. Spencer did what was requested of him, coming downstairs in black slacks, a white button-down with a black vest over it, and his favorite pair of Chucks. Derek then produced a bright pink scarf (which he probably got from Penelope) and said he had to wear it until they got to the appointment. Spencer almost said no, but the look of excitement on Derek's face stopped him.

Finally he felt the SUV slow to a stop and Derek say, "We're here, take off the scarf!"

Spencer quickly did so, squinting the bright sunlight. When his eyes adjusted, his jaw dropped when he saw that they were in front of a pet adoption agency. He looked across the hood at Derek and asked breathlessly, "Really?"

"Yup, really," Derek replied. "I figure I can take a few sniffles, so you can have a kitten."

They shut their doors and headed inside. A small dark-haired woman greeted them as they entered, saying, "Mr. Morgan, so good to see you again! Is this your boyfriend?"

"Yes, Shelly, this is," he replied, squeezing Spencer's hand. "Can we show him his gift?"

"Of course, follow me!"

She led them to her office and disappeared for a moment. When she returned, she held a glossy gray kitten in her arms. Spencer felt his face split into a grin. Shelly stroked the kitten's head with her finger and asked, "Would you like to hold her?"

He nodded and she held the kitten out. As he took it, Shelly explained, "Her name is Stormy. She's eleven weeks old, is fixed, and has all her shots."

Stormy squirmed and studied him for a moment with her big green eyes. He scratched her behind the ear, and she began to purr and settled into his arms. Spencer grinned and said happily, "She likes me!"

After a few more minutes of cuddling, they began to fill out the nessecary paperwork. Shelly gave them Stormy's medical records, coupons for Pet Smart, and a care package. After they finished with everything, Derek and Spencer left with Stormy. A few hours later, Stormy was snoozing at the foot of their bed, leaving Clooney to pout on the floor. Spencer looked at his new kitten then turned his head, giving his boyfriend a kiss.

"Thank you, Derek," he murmured.

"You're welcome," Derek replied, "and happy birthday."

Snowed In, Morgan/Reid

Derek woke up freezing. He looked down to see his body draped with only a sheet. Turning to his left, he saw the covers bundled around a certain mop of dirty blond curls. He reached over and poke the bundle, grumbling, "Hey! I'm freezing!

The bundle barely moved and let out a loud groan of displeasure at being poked. Derek shivered and moved closer. He tugged and tugged until he could slip beneath the warmth of the covers. Spencer sleepily shifted toward him, curling along his side and resting his head on Derek's chest. After he had settled, Derek heard him breath deep and mumble, "You're freezing."

"That's because someone," Derek replied, wrapping his arms around Spencer, "stole the blankets."

"So-aaaah-rry," Spencer yawned. "What's the time?"

Derek looked over at his bedside table, reading from the ditigal clock, "Almost eight."

"Then we have to get up," Spencer stated with an air of resignation. "There's a few chores to be done around the house, and we have to go to the store."

Any protests Derek had about getting up died on his lips when he heard Clooney scratch and bark outside the door. He kissed Spencer's forehead then sat up, once again shivering. He slipped his feet into his houseshoes and grabbed his robe off the end of the bed. When he opened the door, Clooney's tail began to thump on the floor. He gave the Golden Retriever a good scratching behind the ears before they headed downstairs. He checked the thermosta and turned the heat on when he read 45. He hobbled to the kitchen where he made quick work of freshening Clooney's food and water. Once Clooney was taken care of and coffee was brewing, Derek decided to check the weather outside. The news last night said they were probably going to get a few inches of snow. He pulled up the blinds and saw snow coming down like crazy. Everything was already covered in a layer of snow that kept getting thicker.

"You got coffee going?" he heard Spencer call out.

"Yup," Derek answered. "Hey, pretty boy? I don't think we'll be doing any shopping today."

Spencer came up beside him and groaned. Derek wrapped an arm around him and the younger man fretted, "Damn it, I really need to go to the store. We're almost out of creamer and coffee."

Derek snorted and squeezed his boyfriend, teasing, "I'm sure you'll survive."

Teasing, Morgan/Reid

"Keep the change!"

Spencer climbed out of the taxi, heaving his bags on his shoulders. He had just gotten back from a week long engagement with Rossi. They had travled to a few colleges and spoke to the criminal justice classes about profiling. He smiled as he walked up the walkway of his and Derek's townhouse. He pulled his keys from his pocket, yumming absent-mindedly. The house was quiet, save for a murmur coming from upstairs. He smiled. Derek must have been upstairs, watching TV instead of doing housework.

Spencer slipped off his shoes and set his bags at the foot of the stairs. Derek had made scaring Spencer into an art, one that Spencer had yet to master. He had made several attempts but hadn't yet succeeded. As he reached the top of the stairs, he realized his mission was made more difficult as Derek was not watching his usual, cut-and-dry action flick. He took a deep breath and began tiptoeing down the hall. Grinning, he reached for the doorknob and twisted, pushing forward and shouting, "Surprise!"

He relished seeing Derek jump and fell into a fit of laughter against the door. However the victory was short-lived when he saw tissues around Derek and his red and puffy eyes. He rushed to his boyfriend's side and asked, "Derek, is everything okay?"

"Y-yeah," he sniffed, gathering the tissues. "I just have a li-little cold."

Spencer nodded and that was when he noticed that the TV was on. The credits were rolling, so he picked up the remote and pressed info. He snorted a laugh and looked back at Derek, snickering, "The Notebook, babe?"

"Shut up!" Derek grumbled. "It caught me off guard! I actually just got something in my eyes."

Spencer fell on the bed, laughing and clutching his sides. Derek huffed and got up, storming out of the room. Spencer, unable to stop his laughter, called after him, "Derek! Come on, it's not that bad!"

"I'm going to walk Clooney!" was the shouted reply. Spencer shook his head and settled against the headboard. Alpha males, he thought as he channel-surfed, they can be so touchy!

No Regrets, JJ/Prentiss

"This was a fantastic idea," JJ sighed.

"Absolutely," Emily groaned.

They were soaking in a hot, peach and vanilla bubble bath with rose candles burning and slow tunes playing on Emily's iPod. JJ was laying against Emily's chest, the brunette's arms wrapped around her waist. The past few weeks had been especially draining on the team. Emily had almost been killed by an unsub, but Reid had saved her. Another case left Morgan haunted when he arrived moments too late to save a little girl from being butchered. After the steady stream of grueling cases, Hotch had them stay closer to home and do in-house consultations. So after a long day at the office, JJ and Emily decided to start off their weekend on an extremely relaxing note.

JJ smiled as she felt Emily's hands run up her sides to massage her shoulders. She let out groans of relief as Emily worked out the knots of tension. Her eyes drifted closed and she murmured, "What are we going to do tomorrow?"

"Nothing of merit or value," Emily replied, planting a kiss behind her ear. "I just want to hold you and be grateful that I can."

JJ squeezed her thigh and whispered, "That sounds perfect."

They climbed out of the bathtub and grabbed the fluffy black towel off the toliet lid. They took turns drying each other off and brushing their hair. JJ blew out the candles, then Emily led them to the bedroom. She pulled back the covers, and they curled into each other. Emily ran her fingers through JJ's hair and hummed various tunes. JJ smiled and tucked her head underneath Emily's chin. She traced patterns in her raven-haired lover's skin and asked, "Emily?"


"Do you ever regret," JJ continued, licking her lips, "coming to the BAU?"

JJ felt Emily squeeze her closer and replied, "No, of course not."

The blond lifted her hand and pressed a tender kiss on Emily's cheek. She intertwined their fingers and pressed, "Even though you've seen and exprienced things that will scar you for the rest of your life?"

"JJ," Emily whispered, "all of that pales in comparsion to the fact that I get to be with you."

JJ grinned and kissed Emily once again. She tucked her head back under her girlfriend's chin, sighing happily and closing her eyes.

Fun in the Sun, Morgan/Garcia

The sun was shining. Penelope was in a pair of blue jean cut-offs and one of Derek's t-shirts, her golden curls pulled into a messy bun. The shampoo and two towels were sitting by the metal tub, which was full of water. Derek brought Clooney over to the tub and scratched him behind the ears. She smiled at how Derek comforted his pet and got him to climb in the tub.

"That's a good boy," Derek cooed as Penelope began wetting the animal's fur.

"You're so cute with him," Penelope giggled, grabbing the shampoo and squeezing a large dollop into her hand.

Derek took the shampoo and did the same, smiling as he said, "Yeah, I got him after I came out of undercover. My mom got him for me. We're best buds."

Clooney preened under the attention and Penelope leaned forward to give him a kiss. He beat her to the punch and gave her big, sloppy licks all over her face. She laughed and rubbed his sides, teasing, "Der, I think Clooney gives better kisses than you."

"Hey now!" Derek scoffed. "Let's not get crazy here! I can outkiss anyone, man or beast!"

Clooney barked and wagged his tail. Penelope laughed as it sprayed them with soapy water and she giggled, "I think he just told you to prove it, babe."

"I didn't ask for any lip from you, bub," Derek snarked to his dog, giving him a soapy noogie.

Penelope stood and moved to retrieve the water hose. She turned on the water and dragged it over to the tub. She held the hose while Derek directed and rinsed. Clooney became more antsy as he sensed his bath was almost over. When all the bubbles were gone, Penelope tugged the hose back to its place and Derek began drying Clooney. That didn't last as Clooney jetted off and began sprinting around in the sun. Penelope sat down on the dry towel. Derek turned his head and she leaned forward, giving him a kiss. He responded in kind and tugged her close. She smiled against his lips and pulled back, murmuring, "Okay, you're still better than Clooney."

"That's what I thought," Derek chuckled. Clooney stampeded over to them with a Frisbee in his mouth. Derek gave Penelope a parting kiss before tugging the toy away from Clooney and sending it flying.

Practice Makes Perfect, Hotch/Garcia

"I still can't believe you got Spencer a book!"

Penelope snickered at the confused look on her boyfriend's face. Aaron paused in his attempt at wrapping Reid's birthday gift and asked, "What's wrong with it? It's about Leonard Nemoy, I thought he would like it."

"And I'm sure he will," Penelope replied, taking over the wrapping duty, "but he probably has tons of books."

"But not one about Leonard Nemoy," Aaron countered with a grin.

"Touché, my love."

Spencer's birthday had fallen on a weekend, and Penelope insisted they hold it at Aaron's house. JJ volunteered to make the cake, Emily was taking care of finger foods, and Penelope was decorating. Aaron, Derek, and Rossi were responsible for cooking and clean-up. Spencer had tried to contribute somehow, but Penelope told him that his job was to show up and have fun. The living room was already covered with decorations because Penelope believed in early preparation. She grinned in triumph as she finished wrappeing Aaron's gift. Aaron stretched his arms over his head and yawned, "Pen, let's go to bed. The rest of it can be finished tomorrow before the party."

She nodded and they walked hand in hand to the bedroom.. She wiggled under the covers and waited for Aaron to finish his routine of checking the locks before bed. When he climbed in bed as well, she curled against his side. He kissed the top of her head and said quietly, "It's sweet how you fuss over Spencer."

"Well, he deserves it," she replied. "He opened up to me and told me that sometimes, because of his mother condition, he didn't get a party. Plus...I like to think of it as practice."

Aaron chuckled. "Practice? For what?"

Penelope lifted her head and looked into his eye, saying with a smile, "For when I have kids of my own. Until then, I get to spoil my junior G-man."

"You trying to tell me something, Miss Garcia?" Aaron asked, tugging her closer.

Penelope giggled and crawled over him, her thick curls falling around their faces like a curtain as she replied, "I suppose I am, Mr. Hotchner."

Aaron gripped her hips and breathed against her lips, "By all means, tell me more."

AN- Coding was soooo tough! I hope you guys liked these! Reviews are like warm cookies!
Tags: category: femslash, category: het, category: slash, fandom: criminal minds, fandom: leverage, fanfiction, pairing: aaron/penelope, pairing: derek/penelope, pairing: derek/spencer, pairing: hardison/parker, pairing: jj/emily, rating: pg-13
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